I have balance problems. And not the kind caused by inner-ear issues. Nope, I just haven't figured out this Supermom gig. I always feel like there are about 20 things I should be doing at any given time, and there are about a hundred more on my to-do list.
I marvel at the women who seem to be able to maintain a perfectly clean house, fill it with beautiful furniture, dress themselves and their kids in designer duds, go to the salon at regular intervals, have a beautiful lawn, bake cookies, volunteer, and actually have time to play with their children. If I manage one in a day, the others fall off the shelf. Seriously: what am I missing?
Right now, I have a mental to-do list for The Salty One and I. Here it is, in no particular order:
-finish opening the pool.
-figure out what sort of medium to use to border the boys' swing set (the grass growing up around it ain't cuttin' it for me!). Git 'er done!
-plant the roses I bought last weekend, which are looking S-A-D!
-clean out our horrifyingly cluttered and disorganized garage. It looks like something from Hoarders.
-organize and execute yard sale as an off-shoot of the above process.
-sweep, vacuum, mop, and shampoo carpets, too!
-uh...laundry. It never ends. 'nuff said!
-go hide in the closet and have a good, quiet, cry.
-finish organizing my coupon binder
-get the guest room finished: paint, choose linens, try to score an iron bed frame, choose window treatments, find a desk and small TV cart. Someone may actually want to sleep there one day!
-clean the bathrooms. Also never ends. I share this house with three (apparently uncoordinated) penises.*
-paint the office. It will eventually be a lovely, golden shade called "Mark Twain House Yellow." Then I will pair it with some country window treatments with some navy blue in there. It will be our "submarine room." This is the dream.
-take down the old porch screen (our dog has torn the old one in some places, and in others, the wind has taken its toll). Paint. Install Screen-Tight system and hang new doors. Also repair two window screens the dog tried to go through.
-finish the stone edging on the front flower beds. We bought those big stones you can use to build retaining walls. The Salty One had almost finished half before it started to rain. That was about three months ago. Still not done.
-put your head between your knees and breathe!
-find out what is attacking my Japanese Holly bushes and terminate it with extreme prejudice.
-replace the post which should be supporting our gate to the backyard. It was cut at some point, and the previous owners tried to brace it, but it's leaning. I was afraid our last storm was going to blow it down.
-walk my fat dog, because SHE needs the exercise!
-clean up the fat dog's poo before the neighbor kid comes to mow the weeds..er..lawn.
-put some more landscaping in my barren backyard.
-take the boys in to the optician and get new eyeglasses. Little boys ruin glasses fast!
-run to the liquor store. Buy tequila. LOTS and LOTS of tequila!
-actually make that stupid meal plan for a whole month and follow through!
-sit down and take a look at the Lutheran churches in the area. Pick one. Actually show up on a Sunday.
-either come up with a new blog post (check!) or admit total failure and delete the darned thing! Also, if you intend to persist in this madness, actually LEARN how to do a MUCH better job and create new posts. Frequently!
-fix the section of siding that has come loose on the back of the house.
-either fix or get someone to fix the hole in the bathroom wall left by the plumber when he came to repair something (don't ask) MONTHS AGO!
-Find some sort of extracurricular activity I can convince Number One Son to undertake. He's not eager to try sports of any kind. Maybe music? Scouting? Flower arranging? I don't really give a darn as long as we find something he enjoys doing that makes him feel good about himself (and also doesn't go "beepity beep beep, phew-phew-phew)!
And are you ready? Because I am apparently COMPLETELY insane: research home school curricula and settle on what you like, because fasten your seat belts, here we go!** Also research support groups and maybe a co-op. Plot your ambush of the elusive home schooling mom down the street (Got her! HA! Caught her out in the yard yesterday, and she's lovely. AND she's willing to help me get my feet wet!).
And oh yeah: buy groceries, cook meals, play with the kids, go to the library, read something enriching, spend quality time with the husband, plan the upcoming trip home, plan the rest of the summer, and...and...and...
-collapse into a sad, sad heap. Go to bed reeking of failure. Get up tomorrow and repeat.
So there ya go, people who think I have this Supermom thing dialed (I know for a fact I have a couple of you suckered. I know not how this occurred. Tell me: do you believe in Santa Claus? The Tooth Fairy?). And for you wonderful, amazing women who are actually pulling it off? Could you let me in on the secret? I'm floundering here!
* I'm sorry. For some reason, saying "our house has three penises" gets more laughs than saying "I live with three males." What is so funny about that word? I dunno. I hear it every day, so I'm desensitized; we don't use words like "winkie" or "thingie" around here, so it has no impact on me. But if a little penis in your day makes you smile, then by all means, you should have it! Okay, that was just wrong. Are you smiling yet? No? Just go ahead and mentally substitute whatever word you feel comfortable with.
** I do reserve the right to run screaming at any point in the summer if I come to my senses!